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Wednesday, December 29, 2004


Relationships NEVER End!

Relationships never end. Death, divorce or separation only changes them. As long as you have memory, you will always be related. We can recognize and acknowledge when a relationship is over or complete, however, relationships never end. The relationship only becomes different. . . it never ends.

Neil Sedaka was right, "Breaking up is hard to do!"

When a relationship is complete, you can count on pain showing up. The pain can almost be overwhelming and we all experience it differently. The pain of a changing relationship often shows up as many different feelings.

We may experience "denial" and disbelief that this is happening to us. Most people will be "angry" and enraged at their partner for disrupting their world.

"Fear" is another common feeling. We fear that we may never love again or that we cannot live without our partner. The intensity of our fear frightens us.

We "blame" ourselves or our partner for what went wrong and replay our relationship over and over, saying to ourselves, "If only I had done this. If they had done that."

We cry. "Sadness" seems to last forever. We cry some more.

If you were the one that chose to call the relationship off, you may experience "guilt." You don't want to hurt your partner, however you choose not to stay in a loveless or dysfunctional relationship.

Your world has shattered. Eveything has shifted from the known to the unknown. You become "confused" and disorientated. You wonder who you are. Nearly unsurmountable "doubt" overshadows almost everything.

We "bargain." We plead with our partner to reconsider by saying, "I promise to change if you will only stay." Or they attempt to bargain with us.

We "hope." We ask ourselves, "Is reconciliation possible? Perhaps this is only temporary." When reality sets in, we may hope for a new beginning; a new relationship sometime when the healing is complete.

Once the decision has been reached to tell your partner you want out, you often experience "relief." You can finally see an end to the pain, the fighting and frustration of being in an unhealthy relationship.

All of these feelings are perfectly normal. They may feel overwhelming, however they are necessary to engage the healing process. Consider them your friends and know that they will pass, although it may not feel like it at the time.

There is life on the other side of a broken relationship. The hurt will heal AND it will take some time. Be patient with yourself.

Take plenty of time to grieve. Pay attention to you! Work on you and move on with your life.

New beginnings are exciting! They hold the possibility of getting in touch with "you" again. That's a good thing.

The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.

Additional resources:

Read Bruce Fisher's book, "Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends!" The hurt CAN heal. You CAN stop hurting NOW. Reading this book will help you more fully understand your feelings following the loss of someone you love. This is absolutely the most helpful book you can read especially if you are experiencing a divorce or relationship break-up. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! Go to:

Read, "The 3 BIGGEST Mistakes Newly Singles Make and How to Avoid Them" - The biggest mistakes that newly singles can make are mistakes that most singles refuse to believe and, as a result, they soon find themselves experiencing the same relationships as in the past. It is an even bigger mistake to not acknowledge that these colossal blunders really ARE mistakes! Evade these avoidable errors in judgment, and ALL of your relationships will work better! Go to:

Read, "How Do You Work on You?" - Often therapists, radio talk show hosts and others who provide relationship advice or coaching will tell you that in order to have a great relationship with your partner, you must first work on you. This article tells you how to begin. Go to:

Your comments are always welcome!

Sunday, December 12, 2004


Thoughts about "Change!"

Relationships can quickly box us in with its routines, habits and obligations. Think of your mate and your last time together. It was probably frighteningly similar to the last time. The more settled we become with our partner, in our jobs, homes, towns, families and friends, the harder it can become to envision a different life.

More often than not, change can feel more like a fantasy - something that happened in the past or might one day happen again. This is why we get a rush on the first date, with a sexual experience, new job or having a new car. We are reminded that change is possible. It is an affirmation of free will.

As we observe others changing, we also see what is or is not acceptable for ourselves; what we hadn't considered. The "journey" helps fulfill our need for change.

Change is always possible in our relationship because it is only and always a choice. Taking responsibility for our choices leads to a profound sense of freedom and inner peace.

What you resist, persists. The more you hold on to being right about your position, the more you get to grapple with your own inner thoughts about doing what's right vs. doing what's wrong. It's an energy drain.

It is abstract conjecture to assume that the more you hold on, the problem will go away. Problems do not go away unless you divorce yourself from your concerns about being right, begin to seek solutions and decide to change the way you are being in a relationship.

We are strongest when we are letting go of what doesn't work. That's change in action. When we open our mind to behave in a different way, we create the freedom to love. To open our hearts to love is perhaps the greatest gift we can give to ourselves.

When you finally understand that it is "not" unfashionable to negotiate situations rather than standing firm and allowing the past to rule your present, relationships become relationships you can live with.

When you understand that time spent justifying your position that is not working is futile, you can then move forward with a velocity that frees you to address the issues and deploy solutions that are clearly essential to everyone's well-being.

We use reasons to explain away why we don't want to do something different; reasons why we don't want to change. If we know that doing something different might help the situation, not doing something different is called "stupid." The best reason why has never solved the problem.

Often reasons why are understandable, however what is not understandable is why we feel the need to have our lives dominated by reasons why we didn't do something different instead of results. When we make the decision to go for results in our love relationships. . . that's the real moment we make a decision to grow and prosper.

Want a change in the intimacy department? Intimacy demands trust. There can be no trust without conversation; no genuine intimacy without trust. The only way you and your love partner can truly communicate is to tell the truth about how you feel. Truthful communication moves love partners closer together; it creates a condition of unity, love and satisfaction.

Intimacy is the only path to passion. Not sharing intimately negates the opportunity to grow together. Honesty in communication bonds two lovers in a very special way. A lack of open communication closes the door to intimacy, passion, great bedroom antics, joy, peace of mind, understanding and unconditional love.

Dare to reveal yourself. Become transparent, not invisible. . . transparent. Let your lover see through you to the real you. The depth of connection that comes from genuine intimacy is unimaginable and worth it!

Two love partners, standing firm - together - can accomplish anything the two of them desire. The creative movement of mutual commitment and conversation can produce anything. . . anything! The unity of two, in agreement, does the work of angels.

Your comments are always welcome!

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