Friday, February 18, 2005
Do What Works!
Practicing a relationship technique does not make the relationship perfect, it only makes it better. It is important to know the right techniques to practice with in order to be sure you stay on track.
If a golfer continues to practice the wrong golf swing, without lessons, he will only get better at doing the wrong thing better.
It is also important to be coachable; to be open to learning new ways of being in relationships. To continue to do what isn't working is stupid. Perhaps true wisdom is not only possessing knowledge, but knowing who to ask; someone who has been there, done that and what they were doing works.
Don't try harder. Learn to do better. Test new ideas. Reinvent yourself. Change your behavior and you will change the relationship. Change your attitude and see what happens.
For example, if your partner is dumping the results of their bad day on you, the attitude with which you listen will make a difference. Instead of hearing it as a complaint, hear it as a cry for a committed listener; someone who will only listen to what they are saying instead of feeling that you are responsible for offering a solution to fix the problem.
Working on our relationship; paying attention to the little things and putting forth extra effort all are admirable unless you are using the wrong tool. To use an aviation term - flying blind; using no tools and hoping it works out. Persistence on this level is stupidity in action.
Persistence is good only when you are doing the right things. If something doesn't work, change directions. Be flexible.
If a golfer continues to practice the wrong golf swing, without lessons, he will only get better at doing the wrong thing better.
It is also important to be coachable; to be open to learning new ways of being in relationships. To continue to do what isn't working is stupid. Perhaps true wisdom is not only possessing knowledge, but knowing who to ask; someone who has been there, done that and what they were doing works.
Don't try harder. Learn to do better. Test new ideas. Reinvent yourself. Change your behavior and you will change the relationship. Change your attitude and see what happens.
For example, if your partner is dumping the results of their bad day on you, the attitude with which you listen will make a difference. Instead of hearing it as a complaint, hear it as a cry for a committed listener; someone who will only listen to what they are saying instead of feeling that you are responsible for offering a solution to fix the problem.
Working on our relationship; paying attention to the little things and putting forth extra effort all are admirable unless you are using the wrong tool. To use an aviation term - flying blind; using no tools and hoping it works out. Persistence on this level is stupidity in action.
Persistence is good only when you are doing the right things. If something doesn't work, change directions. Be flexible.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Relationships Have Two Teachers!
Unfortunately, good times are often poor teachers because relationship success often breeds complacency.
Great success often paves the way to illusions of omnipotence and self-importance. That's the time when love partners who once celebrated a caring, attention-giving and creative relationship begin to suffer from poor judgement.
Never fear relationship problems or avoid them thinking they will go away. They won't. Problems are to make us, not break us.
The smart partner practices preventative maintenance. They learn new lessons for relationship success. They bring excellence to the relationship. They are always seeking new ways to make their partner feel special. If it isn't obvious by now, they place a high priority on the relationship.
Your relationship has two teachers; one spoils you when things are going great; the other speaks to you when things go wrong.
You are both teachers.
This is an awesome responsibility, I might add. Knowing this carries with it accountability. Responsibility without accountability doesn't work. You cannot manage the terrain of relationships with your eyes closed.
Pay more attention to the ups and downs. Not doing so has a sobering affect on your partner and your relationship. Stretch yourself. Find new resources of relationship information. Begin now. If you wait for problems to go away, the relationship may disappear while you are waiting.
Discover new ways of being that support you, your partner and the relationship; ways that consistently inspire you to pay more attention to the "little things." Be consistent and creative in your efforts to do whatever it takes to make your relationship great.
You don't need someone to tell you something is missing from your relationship. You know. You can feel it. Remember. . . you are BOTH teachers. Perhaps they will teach you balance.
The choice is yours. Will you do something about it? That's a good question to ponder while things are going well.
Great success often paves the way to illusions of omnipotence and self-importance. That's the time when love partners who once celebrated a caring, attention-giving and creative relationship begin to suffer from poor judgement.
Never fear relationship problems or avoid them thinking they will go away. They won't. Problems are to make us, not break us.
The smart partner practices preventative maintenance. They learn new lessons for relationship success. They bring excellence to the relationship. They are always seeking new ways to make their partner feel special. If it isn't obvious by now, they place a high priority on the relationship.
Your relationship has two teachers; one spoils you when things are going great; the other speaks to you when things go wrong.
You are both teachers.
This is an awesome responsibility, I might add. Knowing this carries with it accountability. Responsibility without accountability doesn't work. You cannot manage the terrain of relationships with your eyes closed.
Pay more attention to the ups and downs. Not doing so has a sobering affect on your partner and your relationship. Stretch yourself. Find new resources of relationship information. Begin now. If you wait for problems to go away, the relationship may disappear while you are waiting.
Discover new ways of being that support you, your partner and the relationship; ways that consistently inspire you to pay more attention to the "little things." Be consistent and creative in your efforts to do whatever it takes to make your relationship great.
You don't need someone to tell you something is missing from your relationship. You know. You can feel it. Remember. . . you are BOTH teachers. Perhaps they will teach you balance.
The choice is yours. Will you do something about it? That's a good question to ponder while things are going well.
