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Thursday, July 28, 2005


The Relationship Super Bowl

Have you every watched the Super Bowl and noticed how each player moves with intentionality. If we could only understand that healthy love relationships demand the same intentionality.

You are not in training for the Super Bowl, you are "in" the Relationship Super Bowl. This is it. This is the big one. This game is for real. It's the only game in town.

How are you going to play it? Play it safe? Or play to win? You are already in the game. When are you going to begin playing? Not playing around. Playing. Really playing to win. Seriously playing. Going all out. Doing the best you can. Life is too short not to always do the best you can.

Healthy love relationships are worth it. They are worthy of your very best efforts, all of the time.

Can you imagine the feeling of the players when they know they have played the very best they could and they won?

Can you imagine what it would be like to have a love relationship that was a result of both love partners always doing the best they can; one you really loved being in?

I'm talking about the kind of relationship where both love partners share the honor of wearing the championship Relationship Super Bowl ring. The ring that gives the honor of number one to both partners in equal measure.

Teams win the Super Bowl. Part of your honor will be knowing you played together as team.

You are winning. . . and you have not yet won the game. The game called "relationship" is never over.

Your relationship is the foundation for all things good. It demands your constant attention. And when you pay attention to it, other good things happen too.

Catch the fever! Let yourself get caught up in the excitement of a relationship that is full of adventure; the one that you thought you could only imagine.

Go for it! Give your relationship all you've got. Commit to playing full out. . . together.

Here's to the heros; the heros of healthy love relationships!

Here's to the miracle your relationship can become when you catch the fever and play with intentionality!

Monday, July 18, 2005


No One Can Hurt You

Let's explore the thought that no one can cause anyone pain unless the person who the hurt is focused upon chooses to feel pain. We are not talking about burying your hurt or suppressing your feelings. To do so would be extremely unhealthy.

There are two points to be made. One, no one can hurt you and, number two, you can choose to feel hurt. It is only and always your choice.

If you feel hurt, then experience the pain for a moment, then get on with what's next.

No one can hurt you. You can look at this from several points of view. One view says, "Na na na na na, You can't hurt me!" or in other words, "I am so angry at you, I could spit and I don't want you to know that it hurts!" Or, number two, you could say, "Feeling hurt is an individual decision. It's a choice. I choose to be in control of my feelings."

No one can hurt you means, no matter what you do or what you say, I will interpret it however I choose, and will allow myself to feel pain for as long as I thinks it serves me, then I will get on with my life.

I may choose to feel hurt and I am clear that you are not the one who is inflicting the pain. . . I am. This is by far the more mature way to handle the hurt - to be with the hurt. This new thought is, in the beginning, difficult for some to understand. Some reject the idea totally. This is a mistake. To acknowledge this truth and to live your life by it can open up new opportunities for you to contribute to others.

No one can hurt you does not mean that when someone says or does something that is hurtful, you will not feel pain. It simply means that you have accepted that your responsibility in the matter is to choose to feel pain or not to feel pain.

Let's be honest. When someone says or does something hurtful we most often choose to feel hurt. It doesn't have to be that way. And it is okay to express how you feel. It is not healthy to stay stuck with the hurt.

Choosing to feel hurt; to dwell on the pain; to go to the extreme of inviting guests to your "pity party" is an unhealthy attitude. In other words, telling everyone you meet about your hurt only prolongs the agony. It will forever keep you stuck.

No one can hurt you only means you can't hurt me. Only I can choose to feel the pain. When someone says something that I interpret as hurtful and I feel hurt, it does not mean that they hurt me. It only means that when they said what they said, I heard what I heard. Notice the emphasis is on "I."

We hear things the way they are to us based upon our past. If we think someone can hurt us . . . we are right! And we choose to feel pain. If, on the other hand, we believe that no one can hurt us. . . we are right! And we may or may not choose to feel pain. Feeling hurt by someone's deeds or unkind words is only always a matter of individual choice.

You can't get my goat if you don't know where it's tied up!

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