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Sunday, November 13, 2005


Relationships Require Attention - Every Day and Every Minute!

All there is, is relationships! Relationships are about how we relate; with ourselves; with people; with our love partner; with the predicaments we find ourselves in; with our boss; with everything!

How we do that, can inspire a lifetime of love and passion or a lifetime of regret for not having lived life to its fullest in our relationships . Great relationships with others begin with having a great relationship with ourselves. This must be foremost in our minds, every day and every minute.

It begins with you. Make yourself better than you ever thought you could be and you will find the relationship you have with your love partner getting better. This works especially well when two people are focusing on working on themselves; together. Then, the relationship you have with the one you love can only grow and prosper.

Only selfish people think only of themselves. When you really love yourself you cannot help but want to give some of your love away. Other people have a need to be loved. So do you. People are like that.

Like attracts like. What you become you attract. Want a great love partner? Become a great love partner! Work on this one. Sharing love with someone else must only and always begin with you. Learn to relate to yourself better. What make you tick? What makes your relationships tick? Answer these questions truthfully and you may discover yourself and a better relationship.

Relationships, when we pay attention to them, are a request for us to be our personal best. Relationships, especially with someone we love and love to pay attention to, begin us on a personal quest, not only for answers but for questions. You are on the threshold of adventure. . . a journey of self-discovery. You may begin to understand why successful love relationships are something to which we must give our undivided attention.

Put yourself first! Never give yourself away in a relationship to the point that you put others before yourself.

Decide what is acceptable and what is unacceptable to you; to your relationship with others and to your relationship with your love partner.

Be yourself. Remember, like attracts like. Be someone who attracts the kind of people you really love to be with! Be the best you can be. Always. Every day and every minute. Plan on good stuff happening in your life and the life you have with the one you're with and watch what happens!

There are some people we don't get along with very well. You know, the ones who, if they would only change, you would really love to be with. Well, the bad news is. . . they are you! It's true. What you see in others, whether you like it or not, whether it is good or bad, is a reflection of something in you that needs attention and perhaps healing in yourself.

What you perceive in others you only strengthen that same characteristic in yourself. The next time this happens, stop, take a breath, step back and notice that this is when you are being the old you and not being the best you can be.

Do you know how to change that? It simple! Do something different. Change your thinking, then change your behavior and you change your life. Change your 'not so great' relationship behavior and you change your relationships. Almost always for the better.

I say, "almost," because your love partner and you, both have choice about whether you will change; for the good; for the worse or just maintain. When you really love someone, you feel a need to move forward, to bigger and better things. . . together.

When you know what it is that you have to do to make your life and your relationships better, and you don't do it, just know that there can be no good reason for not doing it. I dare you to make people try to believe that you have a good reason, without having them look at you funny. That funny look may mean they think you are full of it.

When you change your attitude about another person, a situation or whatever it is, you give power to the other person or situation to change. It's giving freedom. You can only grant this freedom if you have it to give away. Then, they have choice about whether they change, or not, and you may also have some new choices to consider. Those choices can always lead you to something better when you decide that is what you want for your relationship.

Just because you know this doesn't mean anything. Something can never really mean anything until you do something with it. We must do something - whatever it takes - to make our relationships the relationships we love being in. We must always carefully consider what action to take.

Every choice has a consequence; some we call good, some we call not so good. Action without thought is only thoughtless action. Relationships are individual projects first and mutually beneficial projects second and they take our constant attention; every day and every minute.

Knowing this does not mean your relationships will always be great either. You have choice. The dilemma is this: there are two people. That means there are two choices. Not to say anything about the multitude of choices that each of you have. Each love partner is only and always responsible for their own choice.

It is when we forget this that the problem begins. We expect our love partner to make the best choices and when they are not our choices, we get disappointed and most people call that a problem.

The fact that all there is, is relationships, should, every day and every minute, find us being the best we can be. Relationships is the one thing that everyone can relate to. It is often the last thing we work on until the mountain is so high we can both hardly climb it. I have a question. If we know this, for what good reason don't we work most on what counts the most; the relationships we have with with ourself and others?

We use reasons to explain away why we don't want to do something; reasons why we don't want to change. If we know that doing something different might help the situation, not doing something different is called "stupid." The best reason why has never solved the problem. Often reasons why are understandable, however what is not understandable is why we feel the need to have our lives dominated by reasons why we didn't do something different instead of results.

When we make the decision to go for results in our love relationships, that's the real moment we make a decision to grow and prosper, both personally and professionally. We turn our back on childishness. The decision to allow growth to occur is when we become clear that results are more important than reasons why we don't have them. And. . . when we really love ourselves and the one we're with, why would we not want to always focus on results in our relationships?

Explore ways of being that empower your relationship. . . explore and discover them together. . . every day and every minute.

Thursday, November 10, 2005


10 Ways to Simplify Your Life

1. Men need to grow up. Mama doesn't live here anymore. Make notes to yourself. Remind yourself to take out the garbage and other things that will keep harmony in your relationship.

2. Go to bed by 9 p.m. at least one night each week. You won't miss anything. AND you can spend some quality time with your partner and be more rested and ready to face the world again the following day.

3. Simplify your life by getting rid of relationships in your life that drain your energy. Develop some new relationships with people who help build you up, not bring you down.

4. Even though you are in a relationship, you must make time for you. Often people forget about taking care of themselves. They become so involved in the relationship they forget about #1. You owe it to yourself and life.

5. Be courageous. Be who YOU are. Stop trying to be someone you think someone else wants you to be. Stand up for who you are.

6. Learn to move past the "small stuff" fast. Don't linger in the past with something that happened that you cannot change. Forgive if necessary and move on. Hanging on to anger, resentment, etc., is an energy drain. Life is too short. Take time to tell those you love how much you care each and everyday.

7. Stop complaining about things your partner does that annoy you. Instead catch them doing something right and offer a sincere compliment with a dash of love and perhaps a hug thrown in.

8. When things become stressful in your relationship, stop and take a deep breath. Pause. Relax. Ask yourself, "Will becoming more upset about this push me closer to what I want or further away?" Create something constructive to do to instead of becoming stuck in your negativity about the situation.

9. Let your partner catch you with a smile on your face. Be happy. Happiness is a wise choice. Happiness is contagious.

10. Design a quiet place to do some serious soul searching. Spend time alone. Think about what you can do to bring more quality to your relationships. Self connect. Who would you have to become and how would you have to do things differently for your life and your relationships to be a 10?

Monday, November 07, 2005


I Hate Snakes!

I was walking from my car to my home. My head was down. My eyes were watching where I was going. Suddenly, I felt fear. I almost stepped on a small snake. I hate snakes. Especially when I don't know they are there.

My memory recognized a snake. I stopped. I looked closely. The two pieces of twisted straw looked very much like a small snake. At first glance, it really did look like a snake.

Then I realized that in order for me to think the two pieces of straw was a snake, I had to be able to remember what a snake looked like. The picture in my mind was so strong that my body almost went into panic.

You know. That feeling you get in your stomach when, while driving, someone cuts in front of you and in a milisecond your foot is on the break. You know the feeling, the feeling of fear. The fear I felt was very real. And there was no snake. Only two small, twisted pieces of straw.

Our memory trigger visions for our imagination. Then our imagination makes it real. So real, in fact, that our body doesn't know the difference between what is real and what is not. When it manufactures fear, our involuntary responses go into action. You feel a rush. You are not in control anymore. Whatever it is, you so south. . . you check out and it takes over.

Fear is a powerful thing. And we make it up! Fear is false evidence appearing real. Fear doesn't come from out there. It comes from us. . . from within. Often it is involuntary, as in the case of the twisted straws. Sometimes it is voluntary. Sometimes we would rather make up something that keeps fear in place than to boldly step forward, with the first step firmly smashing our fear.

Why do we do this? Often it is to avoid the responsibility of doing what we know must be done. Sometimes it is because we are so afraid, the fear immobilizes us. It freezes us in our tracks.

Think about it. Be honest with yourself. Look back and remember a time when your life was being controlled by fear and when you finally got the courage to do the thing that you feared, the thing wasn't like you imagined it at all. Guess what? It is seldom ever is as bad as we make it up to be.

When you do the thing you fear to do the most, the death of fear is certain.

Sunday, November 06, 2005


In healthy love relationships, there is no second place

There is no longer any need to have one of you be number one and one of you be number two. Healthy people share. In a healthy love relationship, generosity expresses itself generously. Love partners are not afraid to share the spotlight.

We need to give up the idea of having to have any one of the two people who make up a relationship be subservient or number two. This idea takes some work because many people believe that one should be over the other. This is a bad idea.

When two people really love each other, they are not afraid to be their love partner's equal. Two people, each number one to each other and to the relationship, working together on similar things and accepting mutual responsibility when things are good and also when things are not so good, can only empower the relationship.

You give "of" yourself to the other. You never give "up" yourself to the other.

When you are both number one, no one ever has to worry about competition in the relationship. You never have to worry about oneupsmanship. When two people work together, they can accomplish more. It's the power of two working together as one.

If you want to experience a sense of revival in your relationships you must consistently push toward a state of continuing to be revived.

It is a do-it-yourself project.

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