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Resolving Conflict

Larry James

All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership.

Ann Landers

Conflict is inevitable. How we handle it is what makes the difference. When the structure of a love relationship breaks down, while fault may not necessarily be evenly distributed, both partners must ultimately accept equal responsibility. You are in this together.

It takes two for a healthy love relationship to work and it takes two to perpetuate an unhealthy love relationship. Seek not to place blame. What difference will that make? You both know the truth about what happened. Who cares whose fault it is?

"I do!" she screamed, "You just can't imagine what a jerk he is!"

He quickly and angrily countered with, "I wouldn't be such a jerk if you wouldn't nag at me all the time!"

Blah! Blah! Blah!

Who cares whose fault it is? If you love each other, focus on solving the problem! What happened, happened. That's all! It's not healthy to make things up about why something happened or who did what to whom. Again. . . who cares?

The goal of resolving conflict in a relationship is not victory or defeat. It is reaching a mutual understanding that benefits both love partners. Resolving conflict brings love partners closer together. It allows for negotiation and compromise.

Specific conversations, designed to "talk things out" will assist you on your path of self-discovery and they are a useful tool for resolving conflict. It brings about a higher awareness of your love partner's wants and needs.

Constructive conversations help to avoid repeating the patterns of behavior that incite the controversy that problems create in the first place. It takes two, working together to explore workable solutions that ease the tension that occurs when problems arise in a relationship.

A determination to resolve conflict by conversation offers a chance for healing and promotes the opportunity to become closer to the one you love.

Men and women are different, or have you noticed? Cherish the differences. Learn to accept and be with or accept the things you cannot change about each other.

Acceptance tills the soil that allows for individuality to grow.

Want to know more? Read, "Communicating is Not Optional." This process is the one Larry James often uses when coaching couples. It works. . . and you must follow the guidelines to the letter.

When love is strong, a man and woman can make their bed on a sword's blade. When love grows weak, a bed of 60 cubits is not large enough.

The Talmud

Copyright © - Larry James. Adapted from the book, "How to Really Love the One You're With."

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