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Putting Your Best Foot Forward
or. . . Should a Man Be Who He Really Is on the First Date?
A loving relationship with yourself is a prerequisite to having
a healthy love relationship with someone else. Assume you have that handled.
- LoveNote. . . The
miracle of unconditional love is nurtured by the power of the Divine and our own
imagination! Imagine the possibilities! ~ Larry James
We must remember that this is it! Someday is now! No time to mess around. Life
is too short. Live in the present.
Experience the empowering feeling of allowing yourself the freedom to be who you
need to be in your next relationship. . . right now. You have already
experienced the past. Want more of that? Continue to focus on it and you will
not be disappointed.
We must create a future worth living into. The old way of being in a
relationship isn't good enough. We must invent the kind of
relationship we want, then go about devoting our time and energy to making it
happen. It will happen when we care enough to give ourselves the very best of
This includes giving yourself time if you are just coming out of a relationship
that didn't work. Welcome to living solo! They say, "Time heals all wounds" and
you must do the things necessary for the healing of the hurt to occur. Work on
Every man needs to love himself unconditionally to be able to pass it on. You
know you better than anyone. Ask yourself: "Who would I have to become to be
the kind of person I would enjoy being with for the rest of my life?"
Spend some prayerful moments thanking God for the choice to choose the courage to
become that person. Then, do what needs to be done.
Okay. So, you have been attracted to a real sweetheart and you are about to
embark on 'Destination Unknown,' often called the first date. What to do?
Naturally we men want to put our best foot forward. We have a thing about being
really cool on the first date. Often we withhold who we really are, afraid that
if she knew the truth about us, she would very quickly distance herself from
This is why we must learn to communicate more effectively how we feel to our
partner. Women love men who are sensitive to their needs; who demonstrate that
they care; who communicate understanding by listening to what she says (and when
we are unclear about what she says. . . we ask questions - this shows we are
really listening); and most of all, women love men who threat them with
You show up as Mr. Clean; shoes shined, clean shaven, a dash of cologne and
looking sharp. Most people are attracted to someone who is well groomed however,
there is more to it than that. What do you communicate from your heart? Do you
say what you feel needs to be said in a loving way?
Make good eye contact. This shows you are paying attention. It also suggests
someone who is self-confident. Men whose eyes drift are, right or wrong, thought
to be uncertain of themselves. To a woman, this is a red flag.
Have meaningful conversations about things that count. Watch your words.
Remember, you cannot un-ring a bell. Once out there, words can be loving or
deadly. Be brave enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable; to reveal those bits
and pieces of yourself that communicate the real you. This does not mean boring
her with your sordid past. . . only the relevant truth; what's real for you in
Part of the problem of dating is what M. Scott Peck, in his book "A Road Less
Traveled" calls the 'romantic myth.' We try so hard, early in the relationship
to always be at our best, then when we are several months into the relationship,
we feel as though we have reached our goal, we slack off and that's when things
can begin to slowly fall apart.
You may hear her say, "You were so sensitive and caring when we were first
dating. What's happened to that wonderful man that swept me off my feet?" Or
she may think it and never say it, leaving you to wonder, "What's wrong?"
Listen carefully. Relationships are a bit of a puzzle for most men anyway. When
a man and a woman finally get together, the glaring differences show up.
Dr. John Gray, Ph.D., author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" says we
must learn to recognize and understand these differences before we can
effectively be ourselves in the relationship.
Only and always do your best. All the time. Not only when in pursuit. Not only
when it's broken and needs to be fixed. Every day and every minute. Do what
works. If you send thoughtful greeting cards, leave love notes and, for no
reason, give her an occasional flower. . . continue that process. Women love
romance. It's called. . . 'follow-through.' Keep on doing what works.
God wants what is best for you. You deserve only the best of everything. And it
takes care and attention to your own wants and needs first, for you to be able to
take on the responsibility of a committed, healthy love relationship.
Be yourself. . . right now! How sad to try to be someone you think someone else
thinks you should be. It is not possible. Be the real you all the time.
Demonstrate your own authenticity. When you do, you never have to worry that six
months down the road, she is going to be disappointed because she thinks the man
she is now with is not the person she fell in love with.
In my "Relationship Enrichment LoveShops," single women often complain that men
don't communicate their feelings. Now you know. Do that. Take a clue. Women
have a desire to know the real you. Don't withhold yourself. Be who you are and
if you don't like who you are, steer clear of a committed relationship for a
while until you can learn to love yourself. You cannot deliver from an empty
wagon. You must have love for yourself to be able to give the love your partner
so richly deserves.
Men must learn to reveal ourselves to others. Let them be sure of who you are.
It takes constant attention to detail. Be unto others as you would have them be
unto you. Allow no miscommunication that would allow for misunderstandings.
There is nothing inherently wrong with putting your best foot forward on the
first date and the dates that follow unless you are only being nice for a while
to get what you want. That isn't good enough. You must take care to assure her
that your best foot forward is connected to the real you.
Copyright © - Larry James.
If you would like to talk
one-on-one with Larry James about relationship issues related to this article, you are invited to arrange for a
private coaching session by telephone. Go to Personal Relationship Coaching
for specific details.
Relationship books by Larry
How to Really Love the One You're With:
Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship
LoveNotes for Lovers:
Words That Make Music for Two
Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers (Career Assurance
Author Larry James is a professional speaker. He presents "Relationship
Enrichment LoveShops" nationally for singles and couples.
More About Larry James